


Back in the Forest

by TerminallySingle



Series: Sentiment [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: I'm Crazy. Aren't I?, M/M, What Was I Thinking?, What the actual fuck, What-If
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-06
Updated: 2012-12-08
Packaged: 2017-11-18 02:45:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/556014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerminallySingle/pseuds/TerminallySingle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"why do i hurt the ones i love?"<br/>remorse and sadness flood over Loki as he remembers the days when he had a brother from not even odin knows where. he just watches as the memories take hold and refuse to let go</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a sort of in- between chapter

A sharp pain in the back hit me, as I fell against the surface of some lost forgotten rock. The warmth of the blood was spreading rapidly and all was going to end soon.

 

Hours go by and I haven’t passed away yet.

 

I open my eyes and all I see is a black darkness. I have seen the dark before. Yet this was a different kind of darkness. Inside my head I could hear the shrieking laughter of a million demon’s voices mocking me. Like bullets, feelings of rage and jealousy hit me. Flashes of my nightmarish beginnings came to me. I was scared. I was angry.

 

I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could for as long as I could. I cried until there were no more tears to shed. I staggered around that forsaken rock that had become my prison looking for something.

 

I didn’t find a soul. Not a thing. I threw off my helmet as far as I possibly could. And I laughed and I cried.

 

When the tears had turned to sobs and then whimpers I stood up and went to fetch my helmet. Only to find that it was gone.

 

That was when I heard it.  
 

It was the most terrible, most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

 

It was the sound of my brother’s voice. But there was something different about his voice. It was very familiar, but not like I had only heard it some hours ago- I hadn’t heard that voice for years.

 

I turn around only to find something that wasn’t there before, something beautiful and familiar.

 

What I saw was a forest. Dozens and dozens of trees; lush, green, wonderful, tall trees everywhere.

 

And he was there. My dear brother; was there with me in the heart of hell.

 

I knew he wasn't my Thor. Not the one of today. He couldn't have been older 13. Yet even today he still looks as he did back then. The same face, the same eyes I may never stare and get lost in again.

 

I wanted to run to him. Tell him I am sorry. Tell him I missed him, but that this was for the best.

 

"Loki" he cried, "Loki! Where are you? I'm so tired of this game. Come home. I give up." I watched him sink to his knees at the foot of a tree and sigh "please, please Loki, come home"  
I couldn't help but look away and think of a few hours ago. Tears welled in my eyes and threatened to slide down my cheek, yet I wouldn't let myself cry over a forgotten memory of a life that I  
have no right to call my own.

 

A rustle of leaves.

 

And an unsuspecting Young Thor.

 

When he came.

 

He descended upon my brother like a cobra striking down his victim. Without hesitation. Without mercy. One sudden strike. And the prey is his.

 

A flash of remorse rushes through me.

 

Why?

 

Why? I wonder. Why do I always hurt the ones I love?

 

I close my eyes and pray that the mirage was over.

 

I cannot think about back then.

 

Not now.

 

It hurts too much right now.

 

When I hear them laugh.

 

And then I turn around to see what may have been the best, great lie of my entire life.

 

We were just being brothers.

 

They wrestled. They laughed.

 

I didn't know what to do.

 

I just smiled.

 

Those diamond moments. Lost in the back of my mind.

 

They hurt. But in a beautiful way.

 

I regretted having forgotten that day in the forest. The day that Thor and I had the time of our lives. Just being brothers.

 

I was grateful I could relive it.

 

Then I was sorry I had left that life behind.

 

Sorry that I let go.

 

So, very, very, sorry.

 

I was consumed by my thoughts when everything went black.


	2. The Mirror Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a quick (but painful, nonetheless) trip down memory lane for loki while in a room full of mirrors...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goodness gracious loki, why you so emotional?
> 
> so more or less an in- between ch  
> *SQUIRMS* i cant wait to show you guise whats in store  
> but i cant write action for shit so, please no be to disappoint  
> and if you can help me then that would be dandy  
> MANY THANK YOU KINDLYS

When I awoke, I was in a room unlike any other.

There were mirrors everywhere on the walls. Mirrors. Just mirrors.

I was standing on a white marble floor. Surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of other Loki's. Hundreds and hundreds of me's.

I slowly got to my feet and I stared in the mirror for the first time in a very long time.

I was disgusted by what I saw.

The dark hair was swept neatly away from my face. The face of a traitor. The face of a liar. The face of a coward. I was a monster.

I stepped close to the mirrors so that I could convince myself that I was not worthy of them. Any of them. Not my brother. Not Asgard. I wasn't worth it.

Who could love a monster?

Then the fog rolled in.

It was a white, impenetrable wall that obscured my vision. I was glad it came.

I couldn't stand one more moment looking into the eyes of the burden that caused my family so much pain. I wasn't worth the time.

I stared into the cloud that crashed upon itself like an avalanche.

When it started again.

I saw the day that Thor saved me from Odin’s rage when I stole the food from the supper table and used it to let in the little green birds from the garden and they all nested in the dining hall where they would sing into all hours of the night.

I saw the day that I accidentally set the white tree that Odin planted with his father on fire. I had only wanted to go camping under the stars and had accidentally left the improper campfire burning unsupervised when it started burning the tree. Thor put it out and saved the entire house from burning to the ground while I was being punished for trying to do things I wasn't ready to do by myself.

I saw the day that I was supposed to keep my new clothes clean for a party in Thor's honor yet fell into the outside fountain. I spent the entire dinner in my soaking wet clothes.

I saw the day that I decided to run away from home and live in the trees like a boy from a fairy-tale I had just read. And I came back with 5 bee stings and a broken arm. And Thor carried an unconscious brother over his shoulder over to mother, where I would spend the next 6 weeks "healing".

All of my childhood memories flooded that room. Not one not having to do with my brother.

Eventually, it came to the day that Thor was supposed to become king. And we were there, staring out at the world. Talking about our new helmets. And he put his large hand on the back of my neck. Right where I am most vulnerable, and although he could kill me with those strong hands of his, he would never, ever, try to hurt me.

It seems like it has been forever since that familiar hand has touched the back of my neck.

I miss him. Too much for me to describe.

I bowed my head and closed my eyes as I lifted my hand and tried to recreate his warm touch.

But it wasn't the same.

My hands are too small and cold to ever compare to his.

 

I give up and let my hand fall to my side.


	3. The Man That Came From The Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war between the man and his own reflection is never an easy battle to win.
> 
> In which Loki tortures himself.

A laugh from behind mocks me.

I turn around to see one reflection of myself in the mirror wall. An independent reflection.

"Do you really think that he ever loved you? Who would ever love you? You were just another stolen relic to them."

I shake my head. "No. Thor doesn't think of me like that, we're brothers."

He scoffed. "He was never your brother! Look at you, you're an embarrassment. No wonder your father never wanted you. Not Laufey or Odin! Much less the poor prince who had to grow up with such a worthless pain in the neck."

"That’s not true!"

"You know very well it's true."

I remain silent.

"... Thor will come and save me. He will always come for me. He promised!"

"He isn't coming. He thinks you're dead. He HOPES you're dead. PRAYS FOR IT EVEN! Now he'll never have to deal with your stupidity ever again!"

"He promised that he would come for me no matter what. I know him, he is my brother, and he will never let me go."

"He promised, did he?"

"Just like how right now I promise you that he will come."

"I had hoped you would say that."

The mist rolled in and I could see Thor. He was king. Sitting on the throne where Odin once sat. He clutched the staff from which I hung only hours ago, maybe even days. He looked at it for only a moment and he laughed.  
"Good riddance, dear, dear, brother."  
And he tossed it into the fire, still laughing, not stopping. His laughter still rang in the air even after the vision had cleared from sight.

I sank to my knees and I whispered, "I refuse to believe it. He will come. He always comes."

"He just wanted his stolen property back."

I sobbed into my knees, I wouldn't let him win.

"He will come...Thor will always come... he promised..."

I repeated over and over again. Each repetition losing more meaning than the last until eventually, the words were of no consolation anymore.  
I had fallen to the reflections now.

 

It didn’t take long for the other Loki’s to come for the kill.

He stepped out of the mirror, a living, flesh and blood person. Yet I didn’t take much notice of the phenomena that had just taken place. I was lost inside my thoughts.

He stepped towards me. Surefooted and confident. His footsteps were silent and he made no sound, but I still knew he was coming.

He couldn’t be right, he just couldn’t be. Thor would come, and he would save me, and then after that, we could go home and forget everything that has happened. It would be as if nothing had ever changed, it would be as if we were still those two children playing in the forest.

He stepped nearer and nearer until he just stared down at me.

I could feel his piercing green eyes staring into my soul with the uttermost pity.

He put his hand on my shoulder. Then he knelt down next to me with his left arm resting upon his knee whilst the other made its way towards the small of my neck; that one spot- the one that only Thor’s hand may touch.

His hand was cold. Freezing, in fact. Like the mirror from which he came. It didn’t belong anywhere on my neck- much less on Thor’s special spot.

A huge knot formed in my throat. A knot that formed from the blinding rage bubbling to my lips. A fire was ignited within me, something that I could not control. I clenched my jaw to keep myself from doing something stupid- I was outnumbered and alone. My enemy was a whole army of me’s and they all knew my weaknesses. And I knew theirs.

A small smirk slithered its way to my face and a glint of hope found its way to my eye. They were reflected all around the room, the hope was strangely multiplied within me and I thought I might’ve had a chance, if not because the hope wasn’t in my own reflection. The hope belonged to the army. The feeling of hope was choked and strengthened in one single instance in time, though it felt like a lifetime.

He could see my hopeful silent remark too. And in the attempt to stifle and choke the small flicker of hope out of me, he glared at the mirror. The glare was enough to subdue my light in the darkness for an instant.

And like a snake, he gathered all his strength in my one moment of weakness. He licked his lips to show how much he would enjoy striking down his prey. Then he spoke his venomous words into my ear.

“You act as though I might have struck you, though I have barely touched your skin. Does the touch of my hand truly trouble you as much as it seems to? Does the feel of my skin against yours bother the King of Nothing?” he mocked.

And then he beamed an evil grin filled with dark malice, “You winced when my hand touched the small of your neck- your most vulnerable point.” He chuckled. “And yet, when Thor holds you there, though he is infinitely more powerful than I am, you feel safe and at home. You think he’s perfect; that he’ll come running to save ‘his little brother’, but who would ever save a monster?” all of a sudden, his tone changed from mockery and ridicule, to a low, thunderous growl “You deserve to die here, alone. Don’t you understand? No one is coming to save the shadow of the King of Asgard. You are no one. At most, you are the echo of Thor’s footsteps as he strides through the halls of the kingdom that you are never going to rule.”

He let his words hang in the air for a moment, waiting to see their effects. When I offered none, he changed his tactics.

“And now Asgard; the place you refuse to call anything but your home, has crowned a blundering idiot. Their king is no more than a common imbecile that craves war and will do anything to earn it, despite the death tolls and condemning his loved ones to the cruel and merciless drums of war. A lovesick moron who would change for a woman he met only days ago, but will never listen to the reason his ‘little brother’ has to share. Now, why is that?”

By now, I am beginning to tense up and it is getting very hard to refrain from acting on my foolish impulses. The other Loki continues, “It’s because he doesn’t love you! He never will. Much less now, that he knows of your true parentage. You’re just another Frost Giant to him now; just another faceless monster for him to hunt down and slay. He’s an idiot and he’ll never see the difference between you and your father, Laufeyson.”

I wince when he calls me Laufeyson. For despite whose blood courses through my veins, I will always be Thor’s brother. And for him to so easily call him a moron and an idiot, I cannot control myself anymore.

I slap his hand off my shoulder and I glared at the man that looked so much like myself- and yet acted my opposite. Before I knew it, I was off my knees and on my feet with my back against the mirror; my hand at my side grabbing hold of my knife’s silver handle.

“Please, be reasonable. You are but one man; I have an army just aching to step from their frames and devour you. But I won’t let them. I want you to hear reason.”

 

“You would know better than anyone. I’m not very good at listening.”


End file.
